Catching up

So much has happened since my last post. Most significantly, my father-in-law lost his almost 20 year battle with cancer the last week of April. Needless to say, my focus was not on myself or weight-loss for several weeks. We were up in Maryland and ate out a lot, and emotions were crazy

At the end of May, we had major plumbing issues and A/C issues. Our house was replumbed and is currently still being worked on to repair drywall from the re-plumbing. It's taken forever and has been a bit distracting.

Now, at the end of June, I am refocused on weight-loss coupled with spiritual growth/health.

When I make time to consciously spend pursuing a deeper understanding of God, it gives me more strength of will to focus on doing the right things physically.

That said, the past week has been quite productive.

Many many months ago, my doctor recommended the medical weight loss diet where you get HCG injections and eat 500 calories a day. I wasn't interested in that kind of discipline or the $1000 price tag.

Then, a month or so ago, when I took my son S to Minute Clinic, the RN turned out to be a hardly recognizable version of one of J's friend's parents. I asked her how she lost so much weight in such a short time (I had seen her at school less than 4 months prior).

She attributed her success to HCG in drop form. HCG1234.com.

So, I bought some drops. I don't know if they really work or not. I tend to think not, because I am still hungry a lot, and I am going way over the HCG diet's recommended 500 or 800 calorie plan. However, I do know that I am now counting calories whereas I never had before. I am now limiting myself to 1200-1500 calories a day. I am still taking the drops... Just in case they do something for me. Primarily, though, I am measuring calories in and calories burned. The HCG diet is just too restrictive for me. I am hoping that after another week or so, my tummy will start shrinking and getting used to eating less so I don't notice the hunger as much.

It's amazing how much more I ate when I wasn't paying attention to it. I probably ate 2500-3500 calories a day, which explains why I wasn't losing weight even when I was working out.

So last Wednesday, I weighed in at 214. ( see pic).

This morning I weighed in at 207. AND it's a time of month where I normally weigh more, so I am happy.

Will keep you posted.
- Susan :)

Getting Real!!! No more excuses!!

Today, I took a spin class again. I really really really like how I feel after a spin class. There are times DURING spin, that I HATE it. But when I can monitor my heartrate and keep myself from going too high or letting myself coast too low, I get a fabulous cardio workout that makes me feel great for hours afterward.

I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a new trainer for the past 3 days. There's always been some kind of problem: the web server wasn't working when I tried to schedule it online, the training manager wasn't in when I went in and the counter person didn't know how to schedule me, I was told to find the trainer after her session (and my spin class) to speak directly with her... she disappeared. No sign of her. SOooo..... I decided to call my other trainer. Instead of the cowardly way out - switching trainers without even really discussing it with my current trainer, I called her and told her where I really am, mentally, physically, emotionally.

It was a great call. She encouraged me to do the cardio... at least 5 days a week. Not as a tool to lose weight. Not instead of training. But in order to maintain the positive mental attitude that cardio brings me.

Interestingly enough, my trainer has dealt with depression in her life too. PTSD, as well. She combats her issues with cardio since the body produces more seratonin or something like that during exercise. The happy hormone. :) Talking with her confirmed my thoughts on how I NEED to do cardio multiple days a week. I can't let my lack of progress with weight training affect my cardio. My weight training will improve over time and the positive energy and attitude I get from cardio will help me do it faster.

That said, I am going to continue on with T. She knows that I am still struggling a little with depression (over my cat, I know I know... I have 2 new kitties to distract me, but I still miss my Daisy girl). She knows that I allow the weight training to intimidate me and she knows that I have been wallowing in my own discouragement. She encouraged me to list the pros of cardio/exercise so that on days when I feel discouraged, I can look at my list and remind myself of why I need to get to it! Here it goes:

Reasons to do cardio:
1. I actually feel like I have more energy after a good cardio workout.
2. I like the way I physically feel after I make myself work hard enough to drip sweat (gross I know, but it's fulfilling to know I can push myself to that level - without hurling) almost as if the vigorous sweating is forcing out negative toxins. (maybe it is)
3. Even though I can see the extra weight I still carry, after working out, I feel more attractive.
4. It's good for my heart.
5. I want to be around for my grandkids.
6. I feel like I can do more, be more - after exercising.
7. I want to be sexy (awkward to admit, but it's truth) and exercise makes me feel more sexy. (kindof like #3, but not exactly).

I did not weigh in today. I wanted to focus this week on getting back into exercise without worrying so much about the weight. Took me 4 days to get it in gear. I was sick on Monday, so I used that as my excuse not to workout on Tuesday. Yesterday, I used my dentist appt as an excuse. You know, "I can't workout until my jaw isn't numb anymore... I can't drink properly, what if I need to drink while I am working out"... EXCUSES EXCUSES!!! Today was good. I made it to the gym and I feel great.

This morning, I read a fb private message from a friend asking me about my progress and encouraging me while she shared her own struggles. It pushed me to get of my martyred butt and go exercise this morning. I am so glad I did. Thank you!!!

Another Month of Nothing

Okay, so it wasn't nothing. But it was no progress. Or actually, I took a step back. My weigh-in yesterday morning was 209.5. Considering how little I worked out and all of the chocolate and peanutbuttery goodness I ate over the Easter holiday/kid's spring break, I am surprised at how little I gained. Now that we are home, and I have access to my gym, I am hopping right back on the healthful eating and exercising wagon.





Watching Biggest Loser last night, I rejoiced that Chris went home. I really disliked her. It occurred to me as I watched her binge, that perhaps I disliked her because I saw a bit of my own weakness in her. I, too, emotionally binge eat. I, too, struggle with emotional self-abuse. She whined out loud. I whine in my head. I do think part of my dislike for Chris was because she is only 2 years older than me but acts like she is 2 decades older. I think I resent her misrepresenting the 40 year old crowd. Whatever the case, I have no place to judge. I watch Biggest Loser to be inspired and though Chris never did anything for me in that regard, Kim does. Except for her big perky boobs, I have a similar body shape to her, so its been rewarding to watch her transform and know that if I just get this right, I, too, can transform. I joined the PALA challenge under Kim's name to 1. help her win a gym in her community and 2. provide additional motivation for me.





When I finish typing this blog, I am heading to the gym for some cardio. I've decided that cardio several days a week is better than one trainer session a week and then nothing. Since I've started training, I have been harder on myself emotionally. I felt like a failure throwing up that one day, and it's been very difficult to get back to positive self talk. I think I will try out a new trainer. Yes, I do want to be pushed. But my current trainer pushes me to the point where I feel like throwing up or passing out from dizziness, every time. I want to feel successful at a workout. Not constantly mediocre. I don't want a cake walk. I want to earn it. I just don't know how to focus on the good when I have to walk a few laps just to keep from hurling. It's been a hurdle that I haven't yet figured how to outmaneuver. So, I'm going back to basics. I can do 40-50 minutes of cardio and feel really great. I want to feel great after working out. I don't want to feel like I barely survived and CRAP, I have to do this again. I want to love working out. I should definitely try another trainer I think.





I haven't been eating all that badly except for the Easter indulging and some PMS chocolate self-medicating. I've been experimenting with the Paleo diet. I am currently reading the book, and it's very interesting. I can't go hard-core paleo, nor do I want to. For anyone who doesn't know, Paleo, Primal, Primitive, or Caveman diets consist of animal proteins and fats, non legume/tuber vegetables and pretty much all fruits. No dairy, no grains. Um... Hell to the NO!!! :)





While I am looking for alternatives for foods that are particularly bad for me as a diabetic, I refuse to give up dairy. I like my milk. I like... NO, I LOVE my cheese. And I love oatmeal. and beans. No legumes? Seriously? and Peanuts... did you know that peanuts are actually legumes and NOT a nut? Me neither. My Paleo Diet book says this is truth. I don't care. I love me some crunchy peanutbutter.





I've made some dishes so far: Spaghetti squash to replace pasta (my family will not eat this, but I think it is delish), Cauliflower (riced in the blender/food processer) stir fry (EVERYONE LOVED THIS), Banana muffins made with coconut flour (eh... they were okay. Stephen tolerated them, Jordan liked them, Jimmy said they were fine... texture was a little weird and though I knew that I used coconut flour, I wasn't expecting the coconut flavor). I still have many recipes I want to try, and have a newfound love for the Pinterest website where I found: http://www.nomnompaleo.com/ and oodles of recipes to try.





So, I'm going back to protein shakes for breakfast with either a banana or oatmeal depending on how soon after b-fast I will be working out. Breakfast is by far the easiest meal for me to blow... grabbing something easy but unhealthy. So, I am setting out my mixer cup every nite with the powder in it, just waiting for the milk to make it magical. :) (the bodybyvi shakes are really really tasty). I'm going to have to pre-make some lunches too. So I don't splurge on bad stuff.





So... if you are still with me. Thank you for hanging in there. I don't want to suck at this anymore!!! I want to be a success story. :)

Boot camp is

HARD!!!

Rowing challenge

After watching this weeks biggest loser, I decided to challenge myself to rowing 5000 meters (half of the biggest loser challenge) and see how long it took me. I ended up pushing for 6000 meters in 31 min 32 sec. I can't imagine rowing for almost an hour like the BL contestants, but it is a great workout.
Next time I have to remember my gloves. I earned my blisters.

Anyway. I think I have finally recovered a positive attitude for working out and eating right. Took me long enough.

Unfortunately, yesterday's weigh in was back to 209.5. Pretty much back to the beginning. At least my attitude is back on track. Weight loss to follow. Of that I am confident.

Time to put on the big girl pants!!!

I have had a bit of a setback the past two weeks. My last post was a day or two before I fell off the fitness wagon. I fell hard... let myself get dragged for a bit.

On Friday, Feb 10, I went to a weekend retreat with my 6th grade Transit girls. (Transit is the Jr. High program at church.) The weekend was filled will all kinds of junk food I normally don't eat. But... I put up absolutely no fight... I dove in. I had pizza and snickers bars and bbq pringles (sooo yum) and chocolate chip cookies, all of it to the excess. And very very very little healthy food. I patted myself on the back for at least bringing protein shakes for supplementing meals.

After the weekend sleepover, I was exhausted. Bad fuel, very little rest.... At my age, recovery takes a lot longer than it used to. It took days of me sleeping extra to feel normal again - energy wise. During those days, I didn't jump back on the wagon. I kind of rode it with my leg dragging as if I wasn't sure I really wanted back on the wagon. I ate better, but I didn't make it back to the gym. I had plenty of excuses. And then of course, I was an emotional basket case for part of the week because I had taken my sweet cuddle kitty in to the vet's office to be put down. (she had cancer). I told myself that her passing was a great excuse to wallow and even indulge. I didn't feel better.

Almost 2 weeks after my last great workout (with my trainer on the 8th), I went in for another appt with my trainer (2/20). I was not in the right place mentally - I was very negative, had low energy, I went in with a "I can't do this" attitude. I wanted to cancel my appt, but I showed up. And I got schooled. I threw up 3 times during that workout. Trainer T says it might be because I had eaten lunch too close to my workout time (less than an hour earlier). I think it may be partly the reason. But, I think somewhere along the way, I re-erected a mental wall. A road block of some kind and I don't know why it's there or even what it's about yet. But I think it's there.

I have this pattern... things are going great, I am doing all the right things... I am even seeing some progress on the scale... and then BOOM! Something hits me (any excuse seems to work for me), I fall off the wagon... I even stumble off the road sometimes. And it takes me forever to find the path and then the wagon and then jump on again.

So. I can't do anything about the past two weeks. But I am going to try to get back to where I was 2 weeks ago. Working out without the upchuck... working out 4+ days a week... eating healthy...

I did NOT weigh in this week. I am a little afraid to do that. I feel like crap again and I am struggling to pull myself out of the sludge of inactivity and lethargy. I went bike riding for a half hour with my sister in law today. It was a good ride, but I found myself complaining internally the whole time. I may have said some of it out loud... my back hurts; I can't believe how warm it is out; Ugh, I'm sweating already.

I am planning to hit the gym early tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes. Two steps forward, five steps back... two steps forward. That's where I am today. Taking another step forward. Can't focus on those five steps back. Nope. Gotta move on. And while I am moving... I am going to be thinking hard about where the wall keeps coming from. I want to find the root and pull it. Enough already!!! Self sabotage is so last season!

Thanks for listening. :)

Weight training

This is after a 30 minute "I almost died twice" workout with my new trainer. She looks amazing.... And has a 28 yr old daughter when she actually looks 28 herself.

WTH Wednesday!!!!

Hello Internets!

Last week, I posted on Thursday, 2/2 and mentioned that I had a mediocre workout... Well, I think it was part due to getting sick and NOT just because I was depressed about my kitty. I woke up Friday feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. Not only hit, but stuck on the bumper being dragged too. Needless to say, I DID NOT work out on Friday. I mostly slept... until Friday night, when I put on my happy face and my big girl pants and went out to paint with my sister in law and a friend. (http://www.just-for-giggles.com/ )

Saturday:
I was still feeling blah... felt like a sinus infection without the snot... so I took it easy again. Hubby and I went to a Married Life event at church that night... where I.... .... ... okay okay... so I indulged. They had these amazing little cupcakes. O. M. G.!!!!! They were soooooo fabulous. so I had 4 mini cupcakes with delicious frosting and way too many calories. I couldn't help myself. I didn't want to help myself. Okay, I really really wanted to help myself... to many many more cupcakes - but I kept it to only 4. It was hard to refrain. Although Jimmy didn't even try one. Hmmmmm. Wonder how he did that.

Sunday:
Still felt a bit crappy. Ears hurt. Sinus pressure. Achy muscles. Went to church and Transit (http://www.transitstudents.org/). Visited with family. Had dinner with friends at El Porton (yummy). No exercise.

Monday:
Mostly better. Still fatigued. BUT... My gym called to have me come in for my assessment workout. Rather than put it off, I went in.

Here's what I learned:
My current body fat 38%
Current weight 210 (up 2.5 lbs) - this is with shoes - my normal weigh-ins are shoeless
3 min step test gets my heart rate up to 140
I can do 7 reps of 75lbs on the bench press
I can do 10+ reps of 275 lbs on the leg press
I can do 20 modified push-ups (super modified)

My calves are 1 inch larger in diameter than my biceps.

So after that 20 minutes of assessment excercises, I did 45 minutes of cardio: 20 min eliptical, 20 minutes rower, 5 minutes treadmill.

I am assuming the weight gain is from my apathy the past few days (not really watching what I ate...not bingeing, but not being purposeful in my choices) AND it's PMS week. Can I say BLOAT? Being a girl is so not fair. Better than being a boy... but still.

Tuesday:
I have no muscle pain in my legs. BUT... my arms/shoulders/pecs are hurting. UGH. It feels a bit ridulous to hurt from only 7 reps of bench pressing and 20 very modified push ups. But I do. I ended up going to the gym after dinner yesterday. I had wanted to go earlier in the day, but kept putting it off and putting it off until I got a call from the school clinic to pick up Stephen. Aha... I thought. Now I CAN'T go to the gym. Woohoo!
But as the day went on, my muscle soreness got worse. So I finally gave in and went to the gym to get some blood flowing to these achy muscles. I only did cardio: 20 minutes on the rower, 25 minutes on the elliptical.

Today, I am hurting. Again... it feels a bit pathetic to hurt after so little in the way of exertion. AND, I have my first official workout with my new trainer. I am scared. She was excited to see me sweat the other day. Said she was going to have fun with me and she likes to see girls who aren't scared to sweat.

I almost forgot to update on Daisy. The steroids she is on seem to be helping. The vet said they could shrink the tumors and it seems like they are. She's been eating a whole lot more. She's been up and around. She's grooming herself again. All in all, it's good. The vet called me yesterday to check on her and he reminded me again that this is only a temporary fix and eventually the steroids won't work anymore. Until then, however, we have our sweet little Daisy.

Until next time.... :)
-Susan

Depressed....

Yesterday, I went mall walking for 45 minutes with a friend of mine who has littles. I had forgotten how much of a workout mall walking actually is when you are pushing a stroller with 30 lbs of toddler in it. Although I did get up a mild sweat, I had wanted to go to the gym also - so I could really get my heart rate up.
Unfortunately, I had a busy day: mall walking, followed by partial lunch w/Jordan, reading to Stephen's class, then lunch with Stephen, then grocery shopping, then the kids got home and we took Daisy to the vet.
The vet's appt. took an hour and a 1/2. They did blood tests and x-rays. Teeny Tiny Daisy has basically been starving to death because her intestines are riddled with masses. The vet said it's more than likely lymphoma... and prognosis is not good. Still waiting on blood test results. Of course, we could biopsy, we could remove what they find, we could do chemo... but it's all very costly... AND it guarantees nothing - with the x-rays, it looks like you'd have to take out most of her intestines... AND... we've got Jimmy's dad going through the end stages of his cancer and will have at least one family trip up to Maryland in the upcoming months, so we have those expenses to plan for as well. Not that I am trying to make this a pity party post... Just explaining where my head is at today.

After the vet's, I came home and cried for an hour or two... just holding and petting my boney little sweet kitty. She still purrs. She still wants attention... she doesn't seem like she's hurting... she's just withering away. She sleeps all the time, she only licks the juice from her food. I don't know whether to just try to make her comfortable while I watch her die, or whether to put her down so she doesn't suffer. I want to do both. UGH!!!!

So, today... I skipped the 8 am spin class. I was just petting the girl, and looking up some Christian music on itunes to make me feel better.... 9 o'clock rolled around and I decided to go to the 9:15 class. I figured I was kidding myself thinking I'd go later in the day and do a cardio on the rower and treadmill and get a good workout. Honestly, I feel like crying myself to sleep. Silly, some might say, to get so upset over the loss of a pet. But, for animal lovers like myself... it's almost as if you're losing a part of yourself, or at the very least... a family member. And unfortunately, all the money in the world can't get rid of cancer. It can buy you time... but that's it. And maybe I'm a little sensitive because I am watching what is happening to my father in law, and how much my sister in law is having to deal with - and how much my husband is having to deal with. And though I don't have the best relationship with my father-in-law, I do care about him, and my husband's sisters... and it hurts to watch the process, it hurts to watch them all hurt. And it hurts to lose my sweet little cuddle kitty...

So, what I noticed today - is that my negative self-talk DURING spin class was at an all-time high. I basically argued with myself the whole time.
"Wow, Susan, you are the fattest person in this class."
"But you won't always be... you're working on it. You're here"
"I don't belong here"
"Yes you do. You're going to be an athlete... you ARE an athlete"
"Crap, I can't do this"
"Yes you can, You can do all things through Christ"
"This sucks! I hate it"
"You normally love it, that's just your pain talking"
"My knees hurt"
"Quit half-assing it and they'll stop"
"Again... you are the biggest woman in the class...look at yourself"
"Leave me alone!!! I am a work in progress"

It actually amazes me how negative I was when my self talk just yesterday, was so positive. BUT:
I am proud of myself for going to the gym when I really just wanted to lay in bed and cry.
TODAY I am going to eat well and NOT succumb to my nearly life long habit of emotional eating.

Last night, we had a girls night at my church for those of us who are small group leaders for the 6th grade girls. It was a much needed break for me, and dinner was delicious (California Pizza Kitchen salads and pizza). Now, pizza is one of the absolute worst foods a diabetic can eat. I did allow myself a small piece and ate a full plate of salad with it. I also had 1/2 of an oatmeal raisin cookie. For anyone who might be struggling with pre-diabetes... IF you are going to have pizza... eat a salad first, or with it.. all the fiber helps slow down the breaking down of the carbs. You'll still have a spike in sugars (I have had a spike {of over 300} which peeked at 5 hours after eating 2 or 3 large slices of pizza w/no salad). I love pizza, and I was emotional... so I did indulge in the one slice last night and the 1/2 cookie. And I'm not sorry for it. I am just glad I didn't let myself PIG OUT like I would have a few short months ago.

I brought home 2 left over pizzas (1 and 1/2). Jimmy took the full BBQ ckn to lunch for work (they are 10" pizzas), and I scraped the toppings off of the 3 pieces of works pizza for breakfast. I threw away the bread. That is how I generally eat pizza these days. TOPPINGS only!

and I had a 100 cal. pack of fruit crisps with my coffee this morning.

I am about to make an omelet for lunch.

I hate that it takes so much more effort to lose weight than it does to gain it. But, I feel better. I needed to vent. And it feels good to actually tell people those negative things I tell myself. It reminds me of what is truth, and what my mission is, why I am doing this, what my goals are.

My body is God's temple. I need to restore it to its proper form and honor myself and my God through the journey.

So, I didn't see a difference in the scale this morning... but you know, those folks on Biggest Loser kicked BUTT in the gym this week and ate right - probably better than I did... and some of them only lost 2 lbs.... and that's with MANY HOURS a day working out.... So, it's all good. I'm still going in the right direction. My glass of water with orange slices is still better for me than the Diet Dr. Pepper I used to drink altogether too much of. My half-hearted spin class for an hour still burned a ton of calories and will continue to burn extra calories for several hours (I have seen articles that claim up to 10 hours of extra calorie burn).

I also wanted to share a website , in case any of you find it inspiring... it's www.fit2fat2fit.com. My trainer on Tuesday told me about this trainer who gained over 60 lbs in 6 months on purpose - so that he could lose it again in another 6, and to relate better to his clients who were trying to lose weight. He blogs about how he felt during different stages and what he is doing now to lose the weight... and while I am not following his plan, I do find encouragement in reading his thoughts and feelings during his "fat" stage.

Thanks for reading. Until next time...
L8r
Su

Just another update

Mon. 1/30:

You guys are awesome. I have already had so many fb messages, emails, comments and texts of encouragement within just a few hours of my last blog post. It's amazing how much that lifts your spirits and encourages you to get off your poofy tushy. :)


So, after posting, I got up and went to the gym. Now, we have a gym in the garage. Jimmy is an athlete... always has been. Furthermore, he was a gymnast in highschool and college so he doesn't need tons of stuff to workout on. He does have a squat rack, a weight bench w/full set of weights, a pull up bar - with adjustable rings (he does all sorts of exercises with those), some small/portable size parallel bars, various bands, jumpropes, hand weights, etc. We also have a sound system out there so you can rock out to a workout. Jimmy does crossfit exercises and I really want to do them with him one day. (obviously, not enough YET to be doing them... but I think it would be awesome to do it together).


For whatever reason, I hate working out at home. Maybe it's because I am a stay at home mom, and I like the atmosphere at the gym. Maybe it's because I like the cardio that I can get without having to really "run" out in nature or doing jumprope (Have you tried that lately? What was seemingly effortless as a kid just about kills me after only one 3 and a half minute song). I definitely enjoy the spin classes at the gym. I have purchased all sorts of workout videos: Turbo Jam, Tae Bo, Several yoga videos, Jillian Michael's, Biggest Loser, Hip Hop Abs, Hot Body Boot Camp, The Wave.... and I last a few workouts. I just like gym workouts better than home workouts.


Anyway, at the gym, they are doing a push for training. They are giving out free "sessions" with a trainer which I know will end in a push to have me sign up as a client. I would LOVE to do just that. However, in order for me to be a stay at home mom, we have to make tough choices. And for now... I just can't afford $60 weekly sessions with a trainer. In the meantime, I plan to get a good workout. The only time I could schedule it this week was tomorrow... after my spin class. Part of me is scared... I am going to be whipped before I even start with the trainer. But part of me is excited to see what he makes me do. Will let you guys know tomorrow.


Oh, and today's workout: 40 min cardio - 10 treadmill run/walk, 10 rowing machine, 20 elliptical.


Tuesday, 1/31.
CRAP! CRAP!!!! CRAP!!!! I signed up for training. 2x a month... the smallest package they have. It's only $35 a session because it's contracted - he was "giving me a deal", but I went in today knowing they'd sell it to me, telling myself I wouldn't do it... But I did it. Truth be told - I LOVE having a trainer. They push me farther than I push myself. So, now I have to be extra frugal... It will be worth it... I know it will. They will help me reach my goals faster than I could do it on my own. I have buyers remorse... but I also know that this will help me reach my goal. UGH... I might still cancel it. I have until the 9th. I am so wishy washy sometimes. I want it... but can I really afford it? I think I can... but I need to be better with financial choices... is this a prudent choice? I will have to think on it. I've got 9 days to try it out.

Assuming I don't cancel, I'll have two training sessions the first week of the month, and then I will do those two workouts for the remaining 3 weeks of the month. I'll have a monthly assessment where they measure everything and all that fun stuff. My body fat % today was 38%. SOOOOOOOOOO NOT GOOD!!!! That means I have 77 lbs of fat on my body, as compared to the 129 lbs of lean tissue.

Today, I went to spin class at 8am. Had my appt at 9:30 with a trainer (who said I actually only look like I'm 28 --- woohooo). He showed me a few exercises - one of which almost made me throw up... but I did it anyway... I had probably a 20-30 minute workout and then we went over my goals and how to realistically achieve them.

Had oatmeal for breakfast, and a big salad for lunch (with avacado, kidney beans, sunflower seeds, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, red/yellow peppers, celery, green onion, carrot, feta cheese & a tablespoon of Ken's Honey Mustard dressing). Drank a few gulps of a protein shake as a snack... will finish it later when I need another snack. All in all - I feel great. Sometime very soon, I am going to post a disgusting before picture. Brace yourselves. :)

Peace Out -
Susan

Monday, Jan 30

Well, this blog is definitely serving it's primary purpose - helping me with accountability. I have had several in person inquiries and a few on fb/comments here. So... yes, I haven't posted in over a week, and yes... if you were wondering - it's because I blew off the whole eating right, exercising thing.

I have nothing but excuses and laziness to blame. But I wanna say my excuses are good ones. :) I was just having a sentimental/emotional week (and NO, it wasn't corelating with any female cycles) and wanted to veg. Plus, I found a new addiction (at least it's not food) - The Vampire Diaries. So, instead of going to the gym, I spent my free time watching the past 2 seasons of TVD so that I could catch up to the current season.

All that being said... I DID workout twice in the last week (2 workouts shy of my 4x a week goal) and I didn't eat too badly... just three days of adding sugary snacks (almond cookies with my coffee and little debbie heart shaped cake thingys).

And yesterday's weigh in was 207.5 lbs, which is actually 1 lb down from my weigh in on the 19th. So, I definitely didn't do what I had planned or wanted to as far as making healthy choices the past 10 days, but I went down. For that I am thankful. There's nothing worse than actual yo-yo-ing to frustrate a plan for healthy living.

So, today... it's back on. :)

Thanks to everyone who's asking about my progress. It really does help me behave. :)

-Susan

Saturday Jan. 21

Blowing everything off!!! :) Bad Susan!

Forgot to add...

Forgot to say, today's weigh in: 208.5 (down 5.5 lbs since last Tuesday)

Getting Started.... Again

Many of you know my history, and you know that I have struggled with my weight for quite a few years now. I'm just going to sum up for those of you who are new friends or for anyone who wants a refresher:





In 2001, I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. At that time I was about 60 lbs overweight. I had gained most of that in the previous 8 months.





I controlled the diabetes with diet and exercise except during my pregnancies, UNTIL Jordan was born. At that time, I had post partum depression (which had been going on since Stephen was a baby, but I didn't realize it) and I didn't care to do any of the things I was supposed to do. I didn't want any meds because I wanted to breast feed. Actually, I didn't want to, but it was the easiest and fastest way to feed a voracious eater.





2006-2008 - I got counseling for the depression, and focused on my emotional and mental health rather than physical.





Since 2009, I have been working to get rid of the weight. As with anything worthwhile, it takes commitment and work and follow through. I have gone through the cycle of starting and drifting into inactivity many times over the past two years. I know I have said it before, but I truly feel that I am in the right place now - spiritually and emotionally - I have the right support and the right mindset to get this done.





I am blogging about this journey for myself mostly. It's a form of accountability for me and I hope someone can find that for themselves as well. I don't plan to share every single thing I eat or do, but I do plan to weigh in at least once a week. In reality, I weigh in every morning, but I will more than likely NOT post that every day. I will also be posting some blood sugars, if I feel it important enough to reflect on... like how I thought I could eat some P.F. Chang's frozen chinese food the other day and actually eat some rice with it and keep my sugars in a decent range. NOT! White rice is just about NEVER a diabetic's friend.





So, last Tuesday, January 10, 2012, I had a diabetic follow up with my primary care doctor (who is phenomenal if you happen to live in the Roswell/Alpharetta area). We discussed my goals, my current state of health and where I need to be in order to get off of the shots I take for diabetes. I need to drop 40 lbs.





On January 10th, I weighed in at 214 lbs. My goal is 165. Now, I know that a lot of BMI and weight charts say that I should weigh between 155 and 160, but I weighed that as a senior in high school... and I have more muscle mass on me than I did then (some of you have seen my legs, so you know what I am talking about). And I don't want to look anorexic. I want to be fit. I want to look my best and be able to do all things physical with my crazy fearless sons. I want to rock climb. I want to WANT to run. (I guess it COULD happen).





Anyway, after that appointment, I committed to myself to workout 4 to 5 days a week. I know that some weeks will be harder than others, and some workouts will be a 20 minute workout video instead of the hour-long kick-@ss spin class that I love. I had already committed to eating better. I've been on and off doing the South Beach diet since around Thanksgiving, and it works. However, I don't want to feel hungry or deprived (which I do on South Beach because I love fruit), so I am pretty much doing this the old fashioned way. Healthy diet and excercise. I try only to have carbs like bread at lunch (rarely but occasionally dinner), vegetable and fruit carbs are available to me any time.





I am making fish for dinner 1-3 times a week, and trying to replace most of our ground beef meals with turkey instead. (I'm weaning my kids off of the beef... doing half and half mixes). I fill half my dinner plate with salad or whatever greens I made for dinner that night.





For breakfasts I generally have an omelet (usually with onion, pepper, brocolli/spinach/or kale) OR if I am going to my hour long spin class - I eat oatmeal. On the ocassion when I am in too much of a hurry for making anything, I will make a quick protein shake.





I am finding that I CAN eat a few slices of lunch meat rolled with a slice of 2% chedder or colbyjack AND enjoy it, instead of having an actual sandwich with bread and mayo. And apples are my friend... as is a big spoonful of Skippy Natural peanut butter. :)





My exercise recap for the last 9 days:





During the week of 1/9-15: I went to the gym three days (two days cardio-treadmill/rowing machine, and 1 day at Spin Class) and I counted vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping the entire first floor as exercise because at the end of that 2 hours my back is sore and I'm sweating profusely. I don't know if you can really count that as exercise, but I am a work in progress so I am counting it.





This week:


Monday 1/16 - school holiday, tried to do a workout video - only got 10 minutes of cardio yoga.


Tuesday 1/17 - spin class


Wednesday 1/18 - gym/cardio: 20 min elliptical, 10 minutes rowing machine, 10 minutes treadmill/walking.


Today 1/19 - spin class





If you have any questions, feel free to reply to the post or email me. I will answer the questions here unless you tell me you want the reply privately.





Thanks for reading. It really does help me with my goal.





-Susan