Today, I took a spin class again. I really really really like how I feel after a spin class. There are times DURING spin, that I HATE it. But when I can monitor my heartrate and keep myself from going too high or letting myself coast too low, I get a fabulous cardio workout that makes me feel great for hours afterward.
I've been trying to schedule an appointment with a new trainer for the past 3 days. There's always been some kind of problem: the web server wasn't working when I tried to schedule it online, the training manager wasn't in when I went in and the counter person didn't know how to schedule me, I was told to find the trainer after her session (and my spin class) to speak directly with her... she disappeared. No sign of her. SOooo..... I decided to call my other trainer. Instead of the cowardly way out - switching trainers without even really discussing it with my current trainer, I called her and told her where I really am, mentally, physically, emotionally.
It was a great call. She encouraged me to do the cardio... at least 5 days a week. Not as a tool to lose weight. Not instead of training. But in order to maintain the positive mental attitude that cardio brings me.
Interestingly enough, my trainer has dealt with depression in her life too. PTSD, as well. She combats her issues with cardio since the body produces more seratonin or something like that during exercise. The happy hormone. :) Talking with her confirmed my thoughts on how I NEED to do cardio multiple days a week. I can't let my lack of progress with weight training affect my cardio. My weight training will improve over time and the positive energy and attitude I get from cardio will help me do it faster.
That said, I am going to continue on with T. She knows that I am still struggling a little with depression (over my cat, I know I know... I have 2 new kitties to distract me, but I still miss my Daisy girl). She knows that I allow the weight training to intimidate me and she knows that I have been wallowing in my own discouragement. She encouraged me to list the pros of cardio/exercise so that on days when I feel discouraged, I can look at my list and remind myself of why I need to get to it! Here it goes:
Reasons to do cardio:
1. I actually feel like I have more energy after a good cardio workout.
2. I like the way I physically feel after I make myself work hard enough to drip sweat (gross I know, but it's fulfilling to know I can push myself to that level - without hurling) almost as if the vigorous sweating is forcing out negative toxins. (maybe it is)
3. Even though I can see the extra weight I still carry, after working out, I feel more attractive.
4. It's good for my heart.
5. I want to be around for my grandkids.
6. I feel like I can do more, be more - after exercising.
7. I want to be sexy (awkward to admit, but it's truth) and exercise makes me feel more sexy. (kindof like #3, but not exactly).
I did not weigh in today. I wanted to focus this week on getting back into exercise without worrying so much about the weight. Took me 4 days to get it in gear. I was sick on Monday, so I used that as my excuse not to workout on Tuesday. Yesterday, I used my dentist appt as an excuse. You know, "I can't workout until my jaw isn't numb anymore... I can't drink properly, what if I need to drink while I am working out"... EXCUSES EXCUSES!!! Today was good. I made it to the gym and I feel great.
This morning, I read a fb private message from a friend asking me about my progress and encouraging me while she shared her own struggles. It pushed me to get of my martyred butt and go exercise this morning. I am so glad I did. Thank you!!!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Another Month of Nothing
Okay, so it wasn't nothing. But it was no progress. Or actually, I took a step back. My weigh-in yesterday morning was 209.5. Considering how little I worked out and all of the chocolate and peanutbuttery goodness I ate over the Easter holiday/kid's spring break, I am surprised at how little I gained. Now that we are home, and I have access to my gym, I am hopping right back on the healthful eating and exercising wagon.
Watching Biggest Loser last night, I rejoiced that Chris went home. I really disliked her. It occurred to me as I watched her binge, that perhaps I disliked her because I saw a bit of my own weakness in her. I, too, emotionally binge eat. I, too, struggle with emotional self-abuse. She whined out loud. I whine in my head. I do think part of my dislike for Chris was because she is only 2 years older than me but acts like she is 2 decades older. I think I resent her misrepresenting the 40 year old crowd. Whatever the case, I have no place to judge. I watch Biggest Loser to be inspired and though Chris never did anything for me in that regard, Kim does. Except for her big perky boobs, I have a similar body shape to her, so its been rewarding to watch her transform and know that if I just get this right, I, too, can transform. I joined the PALA challenge under Kim's name to 1. help her win a gym in her community and 2. provide additional motivation for me.
When I finish typing this blog, I am heading to the gym for some cardio. I've decided that cardio several days a week is better than one trainer session a week and then nothing. Since I've started training, I have been harder on myself emotionally. I felt like a failure throwing up that one day, and it's been very difficult to get back to positive self talk. I think I will try out a new trainer. Yes, I do want to be pushed. But my current trainer pushes me to the point where I feel like throwing up or passing out from dizziness, every time. I want to feel successful at a workout. Not constantly mediocre. I don't want a cake walk. I want to earn it. I just don't know how to focus on the good when I have to walk a few laps just to keep from hurling. It's been a hurdle that I haven't yet figured how to outmaneuver. So, I'm going back to basics. I can do 40-50 minutes of cardio and feel really great. I want to feel great after working out. I don't want to feel like I barely survived and CRAP, I have to do this again. I want to love working out. I should definitely try another trainer I think.
I haven't been eating all that badly except for the Easter indulging and some PMS chocolate self-medicating. I've been experimenting with the Paleo diet. I am currently reading the book, and it's very interesting. I can't go hard-core paleo, nor do I want to. For anyone who doesn't know, Paleo, Primal, Primitive, or Caveman diets consist of animal proteins and fats, non legume/tuber vegetables and pretty much all fruits. No dairy, no grains. Um... Hell to the NO!!! :)
While I am looking for alternatives for foods that are particularly bad for me as a diabetic, I refuse to give up dairy. I like my milk. I like... NO, I LOVE my cheese. And I love oatmeal. and beans. No legumes? Seriously? and Peanuts... did you know that peanuts are actually legumes and NOT a nut? Me neither. My Paleo Diet book says this is truth. I don't care. I love me some crunchy peanutbutter.
I've made some dishes so far: Spaghetti squash to replace pasta (my family will not eat this, but I think it is delish), Cauliflower (riced in the blender/food processer) stir fry (EVERYONE LOVED THIS), Banana muffins made with coconut flour (eh... they were okay. Stephen tolerated them, Jordan liked them, Jimmy said they were fine... texture was a little weird and though I knew that I used coconut flour, I wasn't expecting the coconut flavor). I still have many recipes I want to try, and have a newfound love for the Pinterest website where I found: http://www.nomnompaleo.com/ and oodles of recipes to try.
So, I'm going back to protein shakes for breakfast with either a banana or oatmeal depending on how soon after b-fast I will be working out. Breakfast is by far the easiest meal for me to blow... grabbing something easy but unhealthy. So, I am setting out my mixer cup every nite with the powder in it, just waiting for the milk to make it magical. :) (the bodybyvi shakes are really really tasty). I'm going to have to pre-make some lunches too. So I don't splurge on bad stuff.
So... if you are still with me. Thank you for hanging in there. I don't want to suck at this anymore!!! I want to be a success story. :)
Watching Biggest Loser last night, I rejoiced that Chris went home. I really disliked her. It occurred to me as I watched her binge, that perhaps I disliked her because I saw a bit of my own weakness in her. I, too, emotionally binge eat. I, too, struggle with emotional self-abuse. She whined out loud. I whine in my head. I do think part of my dislike for Chris was because she is only 2 years older than me but acts like she is 2 decades older. I think I resent her misrepresenting the 40 year old crowd. Whatever the case, I have no place to judge. I watch Biggest Loser to be inspired and though Chris never did anything for me in that regard, Kim does. Except for her big perky boobs, I have a similar body shape to her, so its been rewarding to watch her transform and know that if I just get this right, I, too, can transform. I joined the PALA challenge under Kim's name to 1. help her win a gym in her community and 2. provide additional motivation for me.
When I finish typing this blog, I am heading to the gym for some cardio. I've decided that cardio several days a week is better than one trainer session a week and then nothing. Since I've started training, I have been harder on myself emotionally. I felt like a failure throwing up that one day, and it's been very difficult to get back to positive self talk. I think I will try out a new trainer. Yes, I do want to be pushed. But my current trainer pushes me to the point where I feel like throwing up or passing out from dizziness, every time. I want to feel successful at a workout. Not constantly mediocre. I don't want a cake walk. I want to earn it. I just don't know how to focus on the good when I have to walk a few laps just to keep from hurling. It's been a hurdle that I haven't yet figured how to outmaneuver. So, I'm going back to basics. I can do 40-50 minutes of cardio and feel really great. I want to feel great after working out. I don't want to feel like I barely survived and CRAP, I have to do this again. I want to love working out. I should definitely try another trainer I think.
I haven't been eating all that badly except for the Easter indulging and some PMS chocolate self-medicating. I've been experimenting with the Paleo diet. I am currently reading the book, and it's very interesting. I can't go hard-core paleo, nor do I want to. For anyone who doesn't know, Paleo, Primal, Primitive, or Caveman diets consist of animal proteins and fats, non legume/tuber vegetables and pretty much all fruits. No dairy, no grains. Um... Hell to the NO!!! :)
While I am looking for alternatives for foods that are particularly bad for me as a diabetic, I refuse to give up dairy. I like my milk. I like... NO, I LOVE my cheese. And I love oatmeal. and beans. No legumes? Seriously? and Peanuts... did you know that peanuts are actually legumes and NOT a nut? Me neither. My Paleo Diet book says this is truth. I don't care. I love me some crunchy peanutbutter.
I've made some dishes so far: Spaghetti squash to replace pasta (my family will not eat this, but I think it is delish), Cauliflower (riced in the blender/food processer) stir fry (EVERYONE LOVED THIS), Banana muffins made with coconut flour (eh... they were okay. Stephen tolerated them, Jordan liked them, Jimmy said they were fine... texture was a little weird and though I knew that I used coconut flour, I wasn't expecting the coconut flavor). I still have many recipes I want to try, and have a newfound love for the Pinterest website where I found: http://www.nomnompaleo.com/ and oodles of recipes to try.
So, I'm going back to protein shakes for breakfast with either a banana or oatmeal depending on how soon after b-fast I will be working out. Breakfast is by far the easiest meal for me to blow... grabbing something easy but unhealthy. So, I am setting out my mixer cup every nite with the powder in it, just waiting for the milk to make it magical. :) (the bodybyvi shakes are really really tasty). I'm going to have to pre-make some lunches too. So I don't splurge on bad stuff.
So... if you are still with me. Thank you for hanging in there. I don't want to suck at this anymore!!! I want to be a success story. :)
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