Time to put on the big girl pants!!!

I have had a bit of a setback the past two weeks. My last post was a day or two before I fell off the fitness wagon. I fell hard... let myself get dragged for a bit.

On Friday, Feb 10, I went to a weekend retreat with my 6th grade Transit girls. (Transit is the Jr. High program at church.) The weekend was filled will all kinds of junk food I normally don't eat. But... I put up absolutely no fight... I dove in. I had pizza and snickers bars and bbq pringles (sooo yum) and chocolate chip cookies, all of it to the excess. And very very very little healthy food. I patted myself on the back for at least bringing protein shakes for supplementing meals.

After the weekend sleepover, I was exhausted. Bad fuel, very little rest.... At my age, recovery takes a lot longer than it used to. It took days of me sleeping extra to feel normal again - energy wise. During those days, I didn't jump back on the wagon. I kind of rode it with my leg dragging as if I wasn't sure I really wanted back on the wagon. I ate better, but I didn't make it back to the gym. I had plenty of excuses. And then of course, I was an emotional basket case for part of the week because I had taken my sweet cuddle kitty in to the vet's office to be put down. (she had cancer). I told myself that her passing was a great excuse to wallow and even indulge. I didn't feel better.

Almost 2 weeks after my last great workout (with my trainer on the 8th), I went in for another appt with my trainer (2/20). I was not in the right place mentally - I was very negative, had low energy, I went in with a "I can't do this" attitude. I wanted to cancel my appt, but I showed up. And I got schooled. I threw up 3 times during that workout. Trainer T says it might be because I had eaten lunch too close to my workout time (less than an hour earlier). I think it may be partly the reason. But, I think somewhere along the way, I re-erected a mental wall. A road block of some kind and I don't know why it's there or even what it's about yet. But I think it's there.

I have this pattern... things are going great, I am doing all the right things... I am even seeing some progress on the scale... and then BOOM! Something hits me (any excuse seems to work for me), I fall off the wagon... I even stumble off the road sometimes. And it takes me forever to find the path and then the wagon and then jump on again.

So. I can't do anything about the past two weeks. But I am going to try to get back to where I was 2 weeks ago. Working out without the upchuck... working out 4+ days a week... eating healthy...

I did NOT weigh in this week. I am a little afraid to do that. I feel like crap again and I am struggling to pull myself out of the sludge of inactivity and lethargy. I went bike riding for a half hour with my sister in law today. It was a good ride, but I found myself complaining internally the whole time. I may have said some of it out loud... my back hurts; I can't believe how warm it is out; Ugh, I'm sweating already.

I am planning to hit the gym early tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes. Two steps forward, five steps back... two steps forward. That's where I am today. Taking another step forward. Can't focus on those five steps back. Nope. Gotta move on. And while I am moving... I am going to be thinking hard about where the wall keeps coming from. I want to find the root and pull it. Enough already!!! Self sabotage is so last season!

Thanks for listening. :)