Another Month of Nothing

Okay, so it wasn't nothing. But it was no progress. Or actually, I took a step back. My weigh-in yesterday morning was 209.5. Considering how little I worked out and all of the chocolate and peanutbuttery goodness I ate over the Easter holiday/kid's spring break, I am surprised at how little I gained. Now that we are home, and I have access to my gym, I am hopping right back on the healthful eating and exercising wagon.





Watching Biggest Loser last night, I rejoiced that Chris went home. I really disliked her. It occurred to me as I watched her binge, that perhaps I disliked her because I saw a bit of my own weakness in her. I, too, emotionally binge eat. I, too, struggle with emotional self-abuse. She whined out loud. I whine in my head. I do think part of my dislike for Chris was because she is only 2 years older than me but acts like she is 2 decades older. I think I resent her misrepresenting the 40 year old crowd. Whatever the case, I have no place to judge. I watch Biggest Loser to be inspired and though Chris never did anything for me in that regard, Kim does. Except for her big perky boobs, I have a similar body shape to her, so its been rewarding to watch her transform and know that if I just get this right, I, too, can transform. I joined the PALA challenge under Kim's name to 1. help her win a gym in her community and 2. provide additional motivation for me.





When I finish typing this blog, I am heading to the gym for some cardio. I've decided that cardio several days a week is better than one trainer session a week and then nothing. Since I've started training, I have been harder on myself emotionally. I felt like a failure throwing up that one day, and it's been very difficult to get back to positive self talk. I think I will try out a new trainer. Yes, I do want to be pushed. But my current trainer pushes me to the point where I feel like throwing up or passing out from dizziness, every time. I want to feel successful at a workout. Not constantly mediocre. I don't want a cake walk. I want to earn it. I just don't know how to focus on the good when I have to walk a few laps just to keep from hurling. It's been a hurdle that I haven't yet figured how to outmaneuver. So, I'm going back to basics. I can do 40-50 minutes of cardio and feel really great. I want to feel great after working out. I don't want to feel like I barely survived and CRAP, I have to do this again. I want to love working out. I should definitely try another trainer I think.





I haven't been eating all that badly except for the Easter indulging and some PMS chocolate self-medicating. I've been experimenting with the Paleo diet. I am currently reading the book, and it's very interesting. I can't go hard-core paleo, nor do I want to. For anyone who doesn't know, Paleo, Primal, Primitive, or Caveman diets consist of animal proteins and fats, non legume/tuber vegetables and pretty much all fruits. No dairy, no grains. Um... Hell to the NO!!! :)





While I am looking for alternatives for foods that are particularly bad for me as a diabetic, I refuse to give up dairy. I like my milk. I like... NO, I LOVE my cheese. And I love oatmeal. and beans. No legumes? Seriously? and Peanuts... did you know that peanuts are actually legumes and NOT a nut? Me neither. My Paleo Diet book says this is truth. I don't care. I love me some crunchy peanutbutter.





I've made some dishes so far: Spaghetti squash to replace pasta (my family will not eat this, but I think it is delish), Cauliflower (riced in the blender/food processer) stir fry (EVERYONE LOVED THIS), Banana muffins made with coconut flour (eh... they were okay. Stephen tolerated them, Jordan liked them, Jimmy said they were fine... texture was a little weird and though I knew that I used coconut flour, I wasn't expecting the coconut flavor). I still have many recipes I want to try, and have a newfound love for the Pinterest website where I found: http://www.nomnompaleo.com/ and oodles of recipes to try.





So, I'm going back to protein shakes for breakfast with either a banana or oatmeal depending on how soon after b-fast I will be working out. Breakfast is by far the easiest meal for me to blow... grabbing something easy but unhealthy. So, I am setting out my mixer cup every nite with the powder in it, just waiting for the milk to make it magical. :) (the bodybyvi shakes are really really tasty). I'm going to have to pre-make some lunches too. So I don't splurge on bad stuff.





So... if you are still with me. Thank you for hanging in there. I don't want to suck at this anymore!!! I want to be a success story. :)